after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
