1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
