You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
