just come out here and I will go home with you...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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