No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
