Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
