I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
