I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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