I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
