normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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