My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
