i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
