I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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