he thought i was a dude.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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