We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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