My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
