I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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