Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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