Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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