K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Michael Bay diarrhea
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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