bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
