he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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