My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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