so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
