You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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