Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
