I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
