when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Randomize
