My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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