I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
