I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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