So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
