cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
