This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
