Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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