I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
