i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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