I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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