Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
