...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
