Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
