Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
