so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
