I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
