when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
