Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
