is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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