She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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