you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
