My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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