Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
