Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
