My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
